Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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