I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
We had to coat check the pizza.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
