i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Can I color on your dick again?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
