The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize