I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
