my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
