I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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