Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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