I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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