A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
How's work?
Spinning.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
