he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
