Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
