im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
