How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
