Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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