how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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