you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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