if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You are the jesus of drinking
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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