Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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