But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
