He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
