in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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