Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
