He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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