he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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