Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
