Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
