i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
