Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
