Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
