this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
