If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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