nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize