its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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