How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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