it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
