i permit you to call me
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize