omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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