bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Randomize
