Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
