Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
