As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
