my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
