just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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