dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize