Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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