JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
