Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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