I'm gonna have a badass scar
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
