I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
