Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
