So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
