It's like God shit irony all over that family
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
why do cheetos always look like penises
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
