The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
