In the future we'll all be gay
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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