She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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