Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I enjoy the company of your penis
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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