He disabled his match.com account in front of me
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
