did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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