Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
