Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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