The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
