i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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