Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
