I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Woke up backwards on a recliner
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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