awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
My hand turned me down
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
