Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
