I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
