im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
