you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
