I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
