Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Randomize
