Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I want a musical about memes.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
