I cockslap morals
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
