so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We talked him into tasing himself.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
