lets start a swedish sibling band together
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
