chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
