I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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