I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
