She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
