I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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