guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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